“Haunted house!”
“Haunted house!”
It’s what the children shout
But I’ve been here for centuries
And ghosts I’ve been without

I died in 1824
My age was ninety-three
There’s never been a single ghost
There’s no one here but me

Haunted house? Ridiculous!
A ghost I would have seen
So don’t be scared, come ring my bell
I’m here each Halloween!
~Jeff Mondak